The Child-Minder
by Bright Blue Waffles
Summary: The Baudelaire children have got a child-minder, who really doesn't have a clue about their strange evening routine... Warning - features ketchup sandwiches and a very confused child-minder!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer - I don't own ASOUE.**

It was almost exactly 6pm on the 12th of November of the year when Violet Baudelaire was 8 and Klaus Baudelaire was 6, and Sunny Baudelaire was not even an idea. The Baudelaire parents were standing in the hallway of the mansion in which the family lived, and Mrs Baudelaire, who had just put on her coat, was talking to her two young children.

"Now, children, you'll behave for Mrs Morris, won't you?"

"Yes, Mummy," said the two children.

"Will you go to bed on time?"

"Yes, Mummy."

"Will you remember to tell Mrs Morris about the bedtime routine?"

"Yes, Mummy."

"Are you going to answer the phone when Mrs Morris isn't there?"

"Yes, Mummy."

"Good – what?"

"No, Mummy," the children hastily amended. "We won't."

Mrs Baudelaire smiled and kissed them both on their heads.

"Wonderful," she said.

"We'll be back before 11pm," added Mr Baudelaire, pulling the children into a hug. "So don't worry, eh?"

He was looking down on Klaus as he said that. Klaus looked up and blinked behind his round glasses.

"Dad, that was last year," he said, smiling slightly. "I've grown since then. I know it's silly now, and I won't be scared this time. Besides, I'll probably reading _Great Expectations _in the library -"

"Not all evening, Klaus," laughed Mr Baudelaire. "I know you're capable of spending lots and lots of time in there, but you should probably be a bit more sociable today. Violet -"

"I'll keep an eye on him, Father," said Violet, correctly guessing what Mr Baudelaire was about to ask. "And," she added, glancing up at her father with a sheepish smile, "I won't spend all evening in my bedroom, building the radio I was telling you about."

Mr Baudelaire beamed at her, and ruffled her hair.

"Good girl."

"Right, Bertrand," said Mrs Baudelaire. "We'd better be going, or we'll miss the beginning of the opera."

Klaus nodded, and Violet reached out and patted his arm. Mrs Baudelaire smiled at the two children.

"Mrs Morris will be here in just a moment," she said, "so you won't be alone for very long."

A car horn sounded outside.

"That's the cab," said Mr Baudelaire. "Well, children, we'll probably see you tomorrow morning – Mrs Morris will put you to bed on time, I hope!"

"We'll tell her," said Violet. "Don't worry."

"OK," Mrs Baudelaire said. Mr Baudelaire opened the door, and stepped out into the cold night. Mrs Baudelaire followed and turned one last time.

"Goodbye, darlings," she said.

"Bye, Mummy," said the children.

"Have a good evening," added Mr Baudelaire.

"You too," said Violet.

The parents nodded, smiled, and closed the door, leaving Violet and Klaus alone for at least as long as it took Mrs Morris to arrive.

** First chapter of my first story! Please review - you know you want to!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Sorry for the long gap, I've been super busy with other stuff I've been writing. Hope you like it! :-D**

After only a few minutes, the doorbell rung. Violet came tearing down the hallway with her hand-built electric screwdriver in her hand, and opened the door with her other hand as Klaus drew up behind her.

"Good evening, Violet," said Mrs Morris, putting her umbrella down and shaking it, due to the sudden rainfall that had come after the Baudelaire parents had left. She stepped inside and took off her coat.

"Hello, Klaus," she added, spotting the small boy behind his sister. "My! You've certainly grown since I saw you last!"

"Good evening," smiled Violet, showing Mrs Morris where to hang her coat. "There's something I've got to tell you, though. First -"

"We've got to start getting ready for bed at half past seven," piped up Klaus. "I prefer it to be _exactly _half past, so we've got four minutes to drink our hot chocolates, one minute to get upstairs, two minutes to clean our teeth, five minutes to change, and then three minutes to get into bed, and for me to chose which book I'd like to read. That means we should be in bed by quarter to eight, and that leaves me with forty-five minutes to read my book, so I should go to sleep at half past eight -"

"Around half past seven will be fine," interrupted Violet. "The time-scales aren't necessary."

"_I _like them," said Klaus sulkily.

"That's fine," said Mrs Morris. "So, should I start tea now?"

Violet and Klaus nodded.

"We've got pasta," said Violet. "That's what we're _supposed _to be having... but I think Klaus is going to be awkward..."

"Awkward?!" exclaimed Klaus. "I am certainly _not _being awkward! You know, Violet, that every Saturday evening, I have a ketchup sandwich for tea. That isn't awkward. It's a fact."

"Sorry, Klaus," Mrs Morris said, shaking her head, "but did I hear that right? A ketchup sandwich?"

"Yes," said Klaus, blinking behind his glasses. He didn't seem to have any problem with the strangeness of this conversation.

"A sandwich... with a filling of ketchup?"

"Yes."

"Right," she said, not bothering to ask why. "Well, I'll do that for you. Violet, shall we have the pasta?"

"Yes, please," said Violet, looking at her brother with exasperation.

Mrs Morris nodded, and went on through to the kitchen. Klaus soon appeared at her elbow with the finer details of the preparation of his sandwich, and they stopped outside the door.

"The ketchup has got to be warm," he said. "Mummy puts it into the microwave."

"Warm?" asked Mrs Morris, raising her eyebrows. Then, resigning herself to how weird this kid was, added, "OK. Right."

"It has to go in the microwave," continued Klaus. "Daddy tried to heat it in a pan once. It didn't work."

"Dad knocked it over," sighed Violet. "It went all over the floor – and Mummy's best white shoes! We thought she was going to pick up the pan and hit Dad round the head with it!"

"She didn't," added Klaus. "Luckily for Daddy."

As soon as they entered the kitchen, Klaus knelt down, retrieved a little white dish from a cupboard and was soon carefully measuring out the ketchup needed.

"OK," said Klaus, putting down the bottle and turning to Mrs Morris. "Now, you need to set the microwave to thirty seconds – no more, no less – and when it's done, you have to spread it _evenly _across both sides of the bread."

"Got it," said Mrs Morris, putting the little dish in the microwave and setting the timer to thirty seconds exactly.

For thirty seconds they all stood there quietly, waiting for the microwave to beep, and when it did, Mrs Morris took it out and started spreading it across the bread, with Klaus watching critically and every so often reminding her that it had to be equally spread. Eventually, it was to Klaus' satisfaction, and she put the two sides together and placed the sandwich on a plate.

"Thank you," said Klaus, taking the plate. He went into the dining room, leaving Mrs Morris beginning to cook the pasta with Violet.

"Klaus is a very interesting boy, isn't he?" said Mrs Morris.

"You... could say that," replied Violet. "He's very particular, but he's not quite as bad as he was a year or so ago. Mum thinks he'll grow out of it."

Mrs Morris nodded.

"He's read more books than most adults," smiled Violet. "It's made him very clever. His teacher thinks he'll be able to get a really good job when he's older – a doctor, perhaps, or a scientist!"

"And what do you want to be when you're older, Violet?" asked Mrs Morris gently, pouring some hot water into a saucepan and tipping in the pasta.

"An engineer, without a doubt," said Violet immediately. "All the other girls at school want to be vets or ballerinas. Whenever our teacher asks us all what we want to do when we grow up, she's very surprised when I say I want to be an engineer. The girls laugh, but the boys think it's brilliant. I get on better with them, to be honest."

"Well, don't let the girls stop you, Violet," said Mrs Morris. "I think it's wonderful that you want to be an engineer when you grow up."

"Really?" asked Violet, smiling.

"Yes," replied Mrs Morris, squeezing Violet's shoulder. "I think you'll do very -"

"I'm done," announced Klaus as he came through the door, holding his plate, "and it was very nice. It was almost as good as when Mummy makes it."

"Thank you, Klaus," laughed Mrs Morris. She put the plate on the side and addressed both of them. "Children, why don't you go to the library until me and Violet's tea is ready?"

"OK," said Violet. "Come along, Klaus."

They left the room. Mrs Morris turned to the stove, shaking her head in amazement.

_Beatrice and Bertrand have done well with them, _she thought. _Klaus is very precocious, and Violet too. It's a wonder. They are both -_

A bang, and a shriek echoed through the mansion. Mrs Morris froze.

"CHILDREN!" she called, all sorts of terrible things racing through her mind. She took the pan off the boil before she left the kitchen (for Mrs Morris was very organised, and did things like this as precautions).

_My word, _she thought as she ran to the library. _What on Earth could have happened?_

"Violet! Klaus!"

"We're fine!" called both of the children, and Mrs Morris exhaled deeply in relief as she found them. Unfortunately, three large bookcases were face down on the carpet, and Klaus was staring forlornly at the wreckage of -

"Dad's globe," whispered Violet, looking at the broken item for the first time. "Oh, _Klaus_! What have you done?!"

"It was an accident!" exclaimed the little boy, clutching a very large atlas to his chest. "I didn't mean to knock over the bookcases! I only wanted to find out where Talgar was, and now Dad's going to be really really cross..."

"Don't worry, Klaus," said Mrs Morris, hugging him. "I know it was an accident. I'll clear up the mess. You two can go sit in the living room..."

She glanced at Klaus.

"Perhaps not. Just... er... stay here, OK?"

"OK," said Violet, grabbing Klaus' shoulder and steering him to an armchair. "Should I go get the brush and dustpan?"

"Oh, thank you, Violet," smiled Mrs Morris, nodding. Violet left the library. Klaus opened up the atlas and turned several pages as Mrs Morris sifted through the mess.

"It's in Kazakhstan," he said eventually.

"Great," said Mrs Morris, smiling slightly as she sighed. "Thank you, Klaus."


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note - I'm really sorry about the wait - I've been super-busy! With thanks to KlausBaudelaireTheBookworm for giving me the idea for this chapter! Thank you! OK, on with the show! :D**

It took a while, but Mrs Morris eventually managed to clear up the mess of Bertrand's broken globe. She also, with Violet's assistance, put the three bookcases back (although Klaus moved himself around seven metres away and turned his back so the chance of him causing any more calamities was minimal).

When it was all done and finished with, the three people proceeded back to the kitchen, and Violet and Mrs Morris ate dinner while Klaus quizzed them on different geographical locations using the massive atlas. They finished at about six. Mrs Morris suggested that they went and watched the television while she cleared up, so the children went to the living room.

Violet switched on the TV as Klaus situated himself on the sofa, putting the atlas down next to him. It was the end of a documentary about some gorillas.

"Ugh," said Violet, as she was not very keen on either animals or documentaries (unless they were about inventing or inventors). "I think I'm going to go work on my radio."  
She glanced at Klaus anxiously as she stood up.

"You won't knock anything over, will you?"  
"No," replied Klaus.

"Or break anything?"

"No."

"Or otherwise damage anything in this room or in the nearby vicinity?"

"Violet!" exclaimed Klaus. "Stop it. It'll be fine. I'll stay right here."

"Well... oh, fine. Just be careful, OK?"

Klaus nodded, smiling.  
"Bye, Klaus," said Violet with a slight smile, and she left.

Klaus hauled the atlas onto his lap and leafed through it, bored, as the credits for the documentary came up. He got quite absorbed in it until a strange, chilling laugh came out of the TV.

Klaus looked up and stared at the TV. It seemed to be the beginning of a horror movie, and there was a vampire standing there, cackling evilly, as lightning crackled in the background behind a window on the black and white screen. The book closed, trapping Klaus' hand, but he didn't notice. His eyes were glued to the screen in his terror as the vampire swept out of the room and entered the nearby village, sending people scattering in fear. A little boy started to run but he tripped and got his foot caught up in a root. He struggled like a fish caught in a net, but the vampire was coming...

The screen popped and then went black. Violet had come in and switched it off, wondering why on Earth the little boy was watching a horror movie, but Klaus was so absorbed in the film, he hadn't noticed. He was still staring at the screen, his mouth slightly open, his eyes wide behind his glasses, leaning forward over the atlas.

"Klaus?"  
No response.

"_Klaus?_"  
Still nothing.

"_Klaus?!"_

Silence.

"_KLAUS!"_

Klaus jumped, and the atlas slid off his lap and landed with a _thump _on the carpet. Violet squatted down in front of him as Klaus gulped, glancing from Violet to the TV and back again.

"What was that all about?" asked Violet.

"T-the vampire," whispered Klaus, swallowing hard.

Violet sighed in exasperation. "You _always _get freaked out by horror films."

"It... just came on!" he squeaked. "I couldn't _help _it! I got sucked in!"

Violet chuckled, and patted Klaus' shoulder. "Come on. I'll show you my radio. I think it's nearly finished."

"Can I quickly go and get that book on mechanics so I can figure out what each part of it does?" asked Klaus.

Violet's mind flipped back to the globe falling off the shelf and smashing on the ground. Klaus seemed to be on a roll with breaking things.

Ugh. She wouldn't risk it.

"Er..." said Violet, trying to think of a tactful way to put it. "Erm..."

She glanced down at Klaus.

"Perhaps you shouldn't. I'll go and get the book. You go up – but you'll have to stand outside the door. It's stuck again, and you probably won't be able to open it."  
"OK," replied Klaus. He left the room, followed by Violet, cautiously looking round the corner as though he was crossing the street. Violet left him when he got to the staircase, and continued to the two big wooden doors that led to the library.

"_The Big Book Of Mechanics,_" she muttered, looking for 'T' (her extremely organised mother had alphabetically ordered every single book in the library). She ran her hand along the thick leather spines of the books leading up to 'T', and found what she was looking for soon after.

Violet heaved the book out, and almost toppled over, over-balanced by its weight. It was huge – it certainly lived up to its name. She made for the door, walking slower than usual thanks to having to carry the book with her, and, with great difficultly, opened it.

It took her three minutes to get to the top of the stairs, but when she got there, she saw Klaus standing outside the door, as he was asked to do. She passed the book to him, turned the handle and shoved all her weight against the door. It opened with a click.

"We've got to get Dad to fix this," laughed Violet, and she took the book from Klaus and entered the bedroom. She put the book on her bed and said "Put the light on, would you, Klaus? Thank you."  
That was a big mistake.

Just moments after Klaus replied "OK", Violet heard a smash and a squeal. She ran to the light-switch and flicked it on.

Klaus had knocked her radio onto the floor.


	4. Chapter 4

**Long time, no see, eh? Sorry about the wait, I've been super-busy and I've had little inspiration for this story... it's been over two months since I last updated *sheepish face* :D**

**Sorry about that...**

Klaus stared and backed towards the door, alarm bells ringing in his head.

_Oh no, _he thought. _Oh no, oh no, oh no. What have I done?_

Violet stood, quite dumbstruck, her mouth slightly open, as if in a trance. The radio lay in several pieces on the carpet.

Violet glanced at the six-year-old, still stunned, just before he bolted out of the door.

Around two minutes previously, Mrs Morris had been sitting on the sofa. The television had been on in the background, but she hadn't really been concentrating on it. Instead, she had thinking about the peace and quiet that had descended upon the house.

_The children are both behaving, _thought Mrs Morris. _No more ketchup sandwiches... no more breakages. It's all nice and quiet..._

At that second, Klaus burst in and proceeded to sink into an armchair. Mrs Morris glanced up at him curiously.

"I've broken it," he whispered, looking up at her morosely. "I've broken Violet's radio."

_Well, that peace and quiet didn't last long, _she thought with a sigh.

"Oh, Klaus," said Mrs Morris, patting the seat next to her. Klaus got up and slouched over next to her.

"I knocked it off of the chest of drawers," he mumbled, so quietly that Mrs Morris had to lower her head to hear him. "It was an accident... but now she's really upset with me."

Mrs Morris gave him a one-armed squeeze, wondering how she could pacify Klaus. And Violet, she would be practically inconsolable. She knew the children both very well. Violet loved her creations like her friends. It would take a long time for her to come round... unless there was a way to correct the situation...

Eventually, the child-minder thought of something.

"I'm sure she knows it was an accident," replied Mrs Morris. "She's upset, yes, but that's understandable. You didn't mean to break it, I know – accidents happen."  
"They always seem to happen to me," muttered Klaus miserably. Mrs Morris shook her head.

"Don't worry, Klaus," she said. "I'll talk to her. Besides, I think I know how I can fix this situation."

Klaus looked up at her, surprised. "Really?"

The child-minder smiled. "Really."

She glanced at the clock. It was ten past seven.

"Bedtime in twenty minutes, Klaus," she said, "but I think we've got time for a game of Snakes and Ladders, haven't we?"

It was the six-year-old's favourite board game, and he nodded, a little smile on his face. He was starting to brighten a bit. Mrs Morris hadn't just said that she would fix the problem, and Klaus knew it. She really had thought of something. He wasn't sure what, but he was already smart enough to tell when he was being to lied to to make him feel better, and when someone was genuine.

Mrs Morris reached up to the high shelf, got the box and set it down on the carpet. Klaus set to unpacking it all and organising the board, and Mrs Morris, smiling, slipped out of the room and went upstairs.

It took her a moment to figure out where Violet's room was (the house was huge compared to her apartment), but when she did, she found the door closed.  
She knocked on the door. "Violet?"

A sniff.

"Y-yes?"

"Can I come in?"

Mrs Morris didn't get a reply for a moment. She waited patiently, staring at the wooden door, wondering if had Violet heard, and suddenly the door opened. It revealed a red-eyed Violet, who gave the child-minder a wan smile. She stepped back and Mrs Morris came in, looking apologetic.

"You don't blame him, do you?"

Violet shrugged, staring at the floor. She sighed and looked up.

"I suppose not..."

"It was an accident."

"I know."

Violet paused."Is he upset?" she asked.

"He was, until I told him about a way I can fix this problem."

"Fix?"

Mrs Morris smiled. "Yes, dear."

"Honestly?"

The child-minder nodded. "Yes. Now, do you want to know?"

"Definitely, Mrs Morris!"

And by the end of the explanation, there was a huge grin on Violet's face, and she was dizzy with relief.

"Oh, thank you!" she exclaimed. "You would really do that for me?"

"Of course!"

Violet laughed and suddenly threw her arms around Mrs Morris, taking her by surprise. She stepped backwards and laughed as well, patting the girl's back slightly awkwardly.

"OK, OK," she chuckled, and Violet let go. "It's really no trouble, dear."

Mrs Morris glanced at the landing clock. Fifteen minutes. She told Violet and then said that Klaus was playing snakes and ladders downstairs.  
Violet smiled. She knew Klaus loved snakes and ladders, and, knowing him, he'd have already set up the board meticulously and created a score system on his carry-around blackboard.

The child-minder and the 8-year-old went downstairs, and found Klaus, as Violet had thought, kneeling on the carpet, drawing out a scoring table with a stick of chalk. He turned around, saw Violet and looked to Mrs Morris, biting his lip. She smiled at him encouragingly and nodded.

"Um... Violet, I'm sorry about the radio," he said. "I didn't mean to knock it onto the floor. It was an accident -"

"Don't worry about it," cut in Violet, smiling at her little brother, and she watched him breathe a sigh of relief, happy that Violet wasn't angry any more. "It's fine. It doesn't matter."

A pause followed, and then Klaus ran forwards and hugged Violet, nearly sending them both toppling into the sofa. Violet laughed and prised him away, and he stepped back, beaming so broadly he looked as though his face could split, surprised and glad and pleased all at once.

And before any more disasters could occur, Mrs Morris suggested that they started their game of Snakes and Ladders.

**I hope you enjoyed it :) If it wasn't quite cute enough, then don't worry - I think that a little Violet and Klaus sister-story one-shot is in the works. I'll keep any one who is interested posted :D **


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